Finding Joy in Trials

"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken..Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:1-2, 8

"I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.  I wait for the Lord more than a watchmen wait for the morning. more than watchmen wait for the morning.  Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption." 
Psalm 130: 5-7

One of the most amazing good news in our marriage is knowing we're having a baby.  It's crazy to think how a little human is growing inside my body.  The body changes brought by pregnancy is different and not easy, but the anticipation of having the little one in my arms one day makes it worthwhile.  Days passed and I started to build and foresee a future with that person.  Will it be a boy or a girl? Will he/she look more like American or Asian/Filipino? Will he/she get more features from me or Aaron? How will we be celebrating Christmas or Thanksgiving with him/her with us? Will he/she like the cold season unlike me? Will he/she love rice more than fries or PBJ? How will he/she adapt to the reality that we will be speaking two different languages at home and sometimes three with my local dialect back home? We're filled with pleasant thoughts like imagining and seeing things from a distance, how our marriage and individual lives will change once the little one is with us. 

Then suddenly, one of our biggest fears happened.  Something that we never hoped to happen.  Something that is different from what we are praying for each day.  Something that surprised us, caught us off guard, and made us ask "Why?"  Miscarriage, Failed Pregnancy, the chromosomes are not paired perfectly, etc. Because of my age, this risk in pregnancy is high from the doctors point of view.  It tore my heart to the core, the pain is real not just physically as I deal with all those  cramps and bleeding, and all the tests done in the hospital, but more so, emotionally, feeling tired, discouraged, and remorseful. I thought that I did not give my best in taking care of myself and the baby. This grieved my heart.  Loneliness lingers, as I also long to be close to home and be with my family back in the Philippines. The day it happened is shortly after my birthday, and a day before Thanksgiving.  I told Aaron, "How can I be thankful at this time?", or "Is there something to be grateful for at this time?"  He told me about the man in the Bible that was born blind, and the disciples asked Jesus "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"  Jesus replied, "it's neither this man nor his parents but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him".  The works of God might be displayed through this trial of ours.  It's hard to grasp the reality of that scripture at that moment.  But with much prayers and searching answers through the scriptures, my heart started to be at peace. 

I am not sharing this part of our lives to ask for sympathy (but prayers and encouragement are much appreciated), but I am sharing this to tell more about how faithful God is to us.  How his comfort is even more real during times that we are weak.  The desire of having a baby born from us is truly in his hands. I know we can try again, but only God knows what's best, and at the right time.  He is the author of life and definitely the source of everything. These trials also proved the strength of our marriage.  I appreciate how much Aaron's love for me is stronger in those times that I cannot do something for him nor serve him as a wife because I am weak and needy. The comfort of the family and friends is also overwhelming.   Its's like God 's sweet embrace telling us that this too will pass.  

Joy in trials is not the absence of trials or situations.  It's the peace that you have in your heart and the faith in trusting that God's got you.  Loneliness still comes and goes, especially with the Christmas season coming, and my heart longs to visit home with Aaron.  I pray he can experience Christmas in the Philippines with my family.  But regardless of these longings, I am grateful for the peace that God gives whether we are in need or we are in plenty.

Happy New Year!!

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3: 13-14

2014 is a blessed year, I learned a lot and witnessed God's amazing grace and his great faithfulness.  Prayers has been answered and God allows me to enjoy every blessings he gave and continuously giving me, but these blessing cannot fully satisfy my deepest longing which is to be with God, to enjoy my relationship with Him every single day. Everything is rubbish if it is compared to enjoying the pleasure of having God in my life, my deepest need can still and always be fully meet by the lover of my soul, my Creator, my Savior, my Heavenly Father.  To Him I owe everything.

I pray for a more grateful and joyful heart, a gratitude and joy that produces service to God and to the people that God puts in my life.  I love the life that God gave me and may every word and actions that I do will declare praises to Him.

I wish to always be my Father's little girl whose greatest happiness is found in making His Father smile.

May every day in 2015 lead us to to say Magandang Buhay (beautiful life)!!  Happy Blessed Happy New Year to all, and yes I totally believe that the best is yet to come.  

Because God Say So

After all these things, this word came to Abram in a vision: "Don't be afraid, Abram.  I'm your shield.  Your reward will be grand!"

Abram said, "God, Master, what use are your gifts as long as I'm childless and Eliezer of Damascus is going to inherit everything?" Abram continued, "See, you've given me no children, and now a mere servant is going to get it all."

Then God's message came: "Don't worry, he won't be your heir; a son from your body will be your heir."

Then he took him outside and said, "Look at the sky.  Count the stars.  Can you do it? Count your descendants! You're going to have a big family, Abram!"

And he believed! Believed God!  God declared him "Set-Right-With-God." Genesis 15:1-6 (MSG)

Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness. Genesis 15:6 (NIV)

I love the conversation that took place here between God and Abram, God is just so real just like in a human face to face conversation or it sounds like you are just talking to your closest friend, Abram is plainly honest with what he think and feels, which is something that I like in one of the many good characters of Abram, his honesty, his openness, he boldly ask God questions that somehow many others will hesitate to ask

God made a promise to Abram and although he didn't know how God's promise will takes place that time, he believed God, and that faith, that reliance to what God say's truly pleases Him.  Maybe the time that God made a promise to Abram, there is no clear indication of the realization of the promise nor a small hint that will lead to it, but Abram still believed.

I hope to have a steadfast faith like Abram, in the midst of uncertainties in life, whether in career, relationship or other areas of life I believe that God is in control, that He will indeed do not only the best but things that will have an eternal value and impact.  Today everything seems uncertain, maybe it will take long to still pray for what I hope for and it will be a longer conversation with God in all those prayers, but i'm holding on, after all communicating with God is the best way that I can grow in my relationship with Him.  My career is still on hold, i still didn't see how things will come, but I'd like to believe that there is something good in this waiting time,  I pray for the determination to not give up looking and finding and doing my part until I see what God is in store for me.  Relationship, the more that I appreciate seeking godly wisdom, godly advice, the more that I appreciate now how it feels to listen to people and learn from their experiences.  It's great that in the kingdom God had blessed me with many avenue to learn and prepare us to what is coming.  I believe that God indeed give our hearts desire but he's concern is not so much in the blessing but what we become once we receive the blessing.  I know there still so much to work on to in my characters, in how I view and perceive things, I want to ask God many bold questions like what Abram did, and I pray for a heart like Abram to continuously believe despite the odds, the uncertainties, everyday is just an opportunity to see God more, to see that I am helpless without Him, that everything in life is all about Him.

God's fingerprints was manifested for every turn of events in Abram's life (later on became Abraham), God fulfilled his promise, it didn't happen in an instance but God refined and prune Abraham until God saw that he is ready to receive the promise, he experience nerve wracking situation just like when God asked him to offered his only son but for every struggle, for every situation that Abraham encountered we saw how God walked with him every step of the way.

The same God that made a promise and fulfilled those promise to Abram in those days is the same God that we still have today, let's believe therefore that he will not withhold good things from those whose walk is blameless. When God made a promise, let's believe..why? Because He say's so!